It’s a jungle out there.  And INFJs aren’t naturally at home with the cut and thrust of office politics.  It’s not that they aren’t ambitious, but they do struggle with the tough approach that’s sometimes called for.  They’d rather go about things by being kind and supportive, hoping to lead by example.  INFJ managers try to live out the behaviours they want to encourage in their team – principled but realistic, logical but warm, compassionate but effective.  Above all, they want people to feel supported and listened too, and their approach is always inclusive.

Trouble is, sometimes that just doesn’t cut it.  Sometimes being morally good, just isn’t enough.  Sometimes, being fair isn’t enough.  Being a model leader may be a great thing to aspire to – and it’s true that you can inspire people to do their best by modelling those good behaviours yourself.  But not everyone is open to being influenced in this way.  There are always going to be people who are determined to fight an underground insurrection no matter what you do to support them.  People who have their own agendas, people who resist being managed, or people who are outright taking the piss.  You have to draw a very firm line in the sand with these co-workers.  No more Mr Nice Guy!

Often this is hardest for an INFJ to deal with when the person involved has already built up a good working relationship with the INFJ.  Because then the INFJ feels like they are betraying a friend.  INFJs want to be liked and they want to create a harmonious atmosphere in the workplace.  But if you have a difficult team member, who’s trying to game the system – asking nicely just isn’t going to work.  They may use the fact that they’ve got a friendly working relationship with you to guilt trip you into letting them get away with it. Don’t fall for this.

For an INFJ, it doesn’t feel natural to speak anything less than warmly to another person – and we pride ourselves on being able to see the other person’s point of view.  But sometimes this can leave us open being taken advantage of.  The manipulative direct report can become a kind of horrific recurring nightmare for the unwary INFJ who is trying a bit too hard to be nice.

The solution is to this potentially dangerous situation is to channel your inner ESTP.  ESTPs share all the same functions as INFJ, but in reverse order (INFJ is Ni-Fe-Ti-Se, the ESTP is Se-Ti-Fe-Ni).   Inside every INFJ there’s a little wannabe ESTP itching to get out.   Now is the time to give it free rein!  Where INFJs struggle with keeping things impersonal, ESTPs have skin like elephant hide.  They feel under no obligation to make the other person feel comfortable or to ‘look after’ their emotions in the way an INFJ does.  They’re straight talking, sharp-shooters and they can tell it like it is.  So when they need to bring an employee into line, they’re just fine with telling them how things need to be from now on. 

INFJs also struggle with keeping things impersonal when there’s conflict in the workplace.  Again, ESTPs are better at handling this.  They don’t take things personally, they just stick to the facts.  And while an INFJ who’s trying to be more logical and impersonal is never going to be a full-on, gun-toting ESTP, just leaning in a little bit more to your Ti and Se is all it takes to handle a challenging situation at work better.

It can be confusing for people if an INFJ suddenly switches from being warm, friendly – even confiding – one moment, to reading the riot act the next.  The issue is that you should never have been so close in the first place.  Direct reports are not the people you should be looking to for friendship – they’re colleagues that you have responsibility for.  You’re not paid to be friends with them – you’re paid to manage them.  You can actually mentor them better if you’re not their best friend.  And when the chips are down and a direct report needs to be brought into line – you can do this more effectively if you haven’t got too close to them in the first place.

So unleash your inner ESTP – use your Ti/Se to keep things impersonal and stick to the facts.

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