1 They expect too much of people
Ever felt you give too much in a relationship? Or that things end up being a little one-sided? INFJs tend give a lot in relationships – it’s natural for them to want to put the other person first, and they devote a lot of energy to making that person feel loved and supported.  Making their partner feel good is rewarding for them, and if they can do something to help that person achieve their goals in life that’s even better.

But not many people can match this level of devotion.  People are human, and most struggle with living up to the level of expectations that an INFJ demands. The honest truth is, your partner may not even be aware of quite how much of yourself you’re putting in to the relationship. Many people just assume that you’re doing what you do because you want to.  Which in a sense is true.  But when it gets to the point where you are consistently sacrificing your own needs to make your partner happy, the other person probably won’t even understand this is happening.

We need to remember to take responsibility for getting our own needs met too – which probably means putting just a little less into the relationship, so that we have time and energy left over for ourselves.  Then we can be more gentle in our expectations of other people.  

2 They take things way too personally
INFJs aren’t good at handling criticism.  Granted, they’re better at this than some types, but they still take things far too personally.  They may not show this hurt openly, but it’s buried deep down, it festers, and then it eventually explodes at a inauspicious moment.  

Sometimes people fuck up.  Sometimes people say things they wish they hadn’t.  People are weak.  This doesn’t mean that their failings are an existential attack on you.  Relationships inevitably involve conflict, and the INFJ needs to work at not taking these disagreements so personally. Not having such high expectations of people can help (see above).

3 They think other people are as good at mind reading as they are
INFJs know in an instant what their partner is feeling. Sometimes, if their partner is in denial or trying to repress an uncomfortable feeling, the INFJ may even understand that feeling better than the other person does themselves.  Their ability to intuit what the other person is feeling is spookily accurate.  And because it comes so naturally to them, INFJs assume that other people can also read them in the same way.  They can’t.

Some types are better at this than others, but there are quite a few people who really need to have things spelled out to them.  If you don’t tell them your feelings directly, they aren’t going to know.  Or worse, they may attribute the wrong feeling to you.  So try to get better at expressing your feelings directly, rather than expecting that the other person will be a mind-reader like you.  Had you secretly hoped that your partner would realise how tired you were after a long day, and that they would then empty the dishwasher themselves?  Try asking them directly instead of waiting for them to guess.