1. Someone who is happy to listen to them talk about their feelings

Because INFJs don’t have introverted feeling (Fi), they find it hard to process their feelings internally.  Many times an INFJ isn’t even sure exactly what it is they’re feeling at all.  Their extroverted feeling (Fe) makes it easy for them to identify how others are feeling, but they often struggle to identify their own feelings.  The best way for an INFJ to get in touch with and process their own feelings is by talking it out with someone they really trust.  Just the act of talking through these feelings – which may appear very confused and lacking in direction (or even common sense) to person they’re confiding in – can make the INFJ feel better.  It’s often only once they’ve talked through these confused feelings that they’re actually able to make sense of them.

Talking through their own feelings is an important part of individuation for an INFJ.  Without the chance to extravert (talk through) their feelings, they become lost in a haze of uncertainty and ambiguity, and can even loose touch with who they are. This can spiral down into a dark and frightening place for the INFJ.

Patiently listening to these feelings is the best gift an INFJ’s partner can give them.  They don’t need to provide solutions to problems. In fact, it’s probably best if they don’t.  They’re just helping the INFJ fully know what they feel, and therefore what their priorities are.  Once an INFJ has expressed themselves, they regain energy and resilience to cope with the issues in their life.

2 Someone who gets them
INFJs spend a lot of their lives feeling a bit like a fish out of water.  They find it relatively easy to fit in by camouflaging their true self, but at the same time feel that no one really understands them and that no one really speaks their language.  With their dominant introverted intuition (Ni), their perspective on the world is pretty unconventional – not to say downright weird.  Most INFJs value this about themselves, and know that their unique perspective opens up realms of experience that most people can rarely hope to know.  But a lot of people just can’t understand this perspective, and so feeling properly understood is like a drink of water in the desert to an INFJ.  It’s perhaps the second greatest gift a partner can offer them – the simple luxury of being understood.

3 Shared values

INFJs take their core values very seriously indeed, and have little time for people who demonstrate values they consider to be shallow or selfish. So while an INFJ is very broadminded and happy to consider ideas that are pretty left-field, they’re unlikely to tolerate well anything which violates their core principles. A relationship with someone with very different values is going to be a relationship with a lot of arguments.

4 Someone interested in talking about abstract ideas
INFJs can enjoy chatting about superficial things, and are not adverse to the odd bit of small talk. Their Fe makes them more of a fan of gossip than they’d like to admit. But it won’t be long before they tire of these sort of conversations and withdraw. What really excites and energises them is a conversation about ideas.  Tossing an idea back and forwards is a form of play for an INFJ – and nothing concrete or practical need ever come of it.  It’s the process of exploring the idea that stimulates them. Once you get an INFJ interested in an abstract topic, it’s surprising how much they can talk – they may even dominate the conversation.

5 Authenticity
INFJs want to know the real you.  They seek a relationship where you can both be truly open and vulnerable.  INFJs are prepared to open themselves up in a way few other types can, and this can lead to a depth of connection that others can only dream of. They need a partner who is able to be just as authentic. They can see through any pretense and just find it kind of insulting that you don’t want to be honest with them. In particular, INFJs dislike the emotional dishonesty of manipulation, and any relationship where this is a feature is not likely to end well.