Ain’t no way round it, breakups are hard.  Even if you are the one who ended it, it’s still one of the hardest things in life to have go through. And if it was you who was dumped, it’s even more painful – especially if you know your ex has already moved on to someone else.  Sure it shouldn’t make any difference to you now what he/she is or isn’t doing – but we all know it does.  It all just seems so cosmically unfair if they seem able to get on with their life, while you are sitting on your lonesome with a box of tissues and a tub of Ben and Jerrys.  

We’re not gonna lie, INFJs take breakups hard, and often take longer than some other types to move on with their lives. But part of this is a sense that they need to give justice to the deep feelings they’re having, and give themselves time to work them through fully and completely. If you move on too quickly there’s a risk that you’re just burying feelings, and these could resurface at less than ideal moments in any future relationship you may have.  INFJs don’t believe in turning away from pain – they know that repressed feelings have a habit of making themselves felt no matter what you do to squash them.  And you don’t want those buried feelings to sabotage future you.

So we’ve got some tips for the best way for an INFJ to get over a breakup – without either repressing feelings in an unhealthy way or giving in to despair.

• OK, so we’ve all turned to comfort eating (or drinking) when we’ve been feeling low – it’s a constant temptation for INFJ’s with their inferior Se.  But too many all-out binges are just not going to make you feel good.  You know it’s true.  So do yourself a favour and clear any sweet treats out of your house – and don’t buy any more.  It’s easier to resist temptation when the cupboard is bare.
• You’re going to be plagued by the Ni-Ti loop.  You know how it goes – the self-doubt, the overthinking, the negative spirals.  As an INFJ, this is never going to go away completely – but you can stop it spiralling into the abyss by reconnecting with your Fe.  And the best way to do this is by meeting up with someone who you trust, someone who cares about you – either family or friends.  In the early stages post breakup you may not feel much like doing this, so keep it easy by connecting remotely at initially- texting, messaging etc.  But as soon as you feel able to, meeting up with other people who can help you talk through your feelings and give you some perspective is the best way to get out of the Ni-Ti loop. A trusted friend can validate the INFJ’s feelings – having someone else tell you that your ex was a selfish shit and that you’re better off without them is wonderful for an INFJ who’s stuck in feelings of self-doubt. But just going out for some light-hearted fun is also a great way to stop looping and reconnect with, you know, actual reality.
• Journaling – this is our top tip for INFJs going through a breakup. It’s another way for INFJs to use their Fe and externalise their feelings. Because they don’t have Fi, INFJs have a hard time processing and understanding their feelings, and they can really only do this by externalising them in some way – either by talking it out, or by writing it down. If you have a trusted friend that you can confide in, then talking is going to be great. But if you don’t, journaling is just as good. Feelings that seemed dark and inchoate, can become miraculously clear once they’re written down. It also helps to steer the INFJ away from fanciful imaginings about what happened, and back to actual reality – which is likely to be far less negative.
• Even at the best of times social media is a depressing time suck for INFJs – but it’s more important than ever after a breakup to avoid it.  And specially – promise me – don’t stalk your ex.  That way madness lies.  Why torture yourself with pictures of them on their instagram with their new squeeze?  We can get drawn into checking up on our ex’s because we’re secretly hoping to see a post where they confess to being empty, destroyed and heart-broken, and that life has lost all its meaning.  Because that’s how we feel, and poetic justice dictates that they should feel the same, right?  But you know, deep down, that this is not going to happen.  Even if they did feel like that, they’re not going to broadcast it to the world.  We all know that’s not the way social media works.  So promise yourself that you just won’t put yourself through it.  Remember – curiosity killed the cat.
• Put away all those romantic momentoes – INFJs don’t like to let go of the past, and they value the past as being part of their life’s journey.  So you don’t need to throw out love letters completely.  But put them in a box under your bed where you won’t see them.  One day the time will come when you’ll be able to look back on your relationship and be grateful for everything you learned from it, grateful that it made you the person you’ve become.  But right now you don’t want to be constantly reminded of that time when you caught a falling leaf and made a wish that it would be forever.
  
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