Why oh why is the internet awash with people demanding that INFJs stop door-slamming?  It seems as if every ex boyfriend/girlfriend of an INFJ carries a deep sense of indignation that their INFJ ever had the temerity to end their relationship – and they’re going to let the whole world know about it by endlessly whining about being doorslammed.  How dare that INFJ cut off their relationship? They’d really enjoyed basking in the devoted attention of their INFJ.  Why on earth wouldn’t the INFJ want to continue doing that for them?  What in the world is wrong with INFJs, they bleat??

There is an internet-wide conspiracy to try and make INFJs feel guilty for cutting toxic people out of their lives.

INFJs have every right to end a relationship if it’s not working for them.  Sorry, but not sorry.  The simple and obvious fact is that all types end relationships from time to time – INFJs aren’t the only ones.  Let’s be clear here – a ‘doorslam’ is just the INFJ making it clear that they no longer want you in their lives.  That’s all.  It’s not a crime.  Many other types are way crueller in the way they end relationships, and yet they don’t come in for the same universal condemnation. 

This tearing down of INFJs has to stop!

The fact is, INFJs extend way more patience in a relationship that’s going south than most other types ever do.  They hang on in there longer than they should – making excuses for the other person, believing things are going to change, turning a blind eye to behaviour that should have been a red flag long ago.  INFJs simply believe that if you treat a person with kindness and understanding, they will reciprocate.  It may seem a little naive – and sometimes it is – but it does mean that they allow boundaries to get crossed way too often.  This means that by the time they’re ready to give up on the other person, they’ve already over-extended themselves too much.

The only thing that’s wrong with the INFJ doorslam is that it took them so long to do it.  INFJs should have the courage to trust their intuition, and end a relationship when it’s clear that only wishful thinking is going to make it work.

So never let anyone make you feel guilty for leaving a relationship when you’ve already given your all to try and make it work and it’s still a negative place to be.  Ending it is a healthy thing to do – for all concerned.  

Let’s just stop calling it a ‘doorslam’.  Call it instead a ‘Farewell’.  

Au Revoir and thanks, as always, for reading.